It'll be okay, focus on your long-term goal.

So we dont have any lettuce to go on our BLT's...It'll be okay.
I can't get back to Kenya right now...It'll be okay.
My mom's in the hosital for the nth time...It'll be okay.

3 things I can think of(obviously the 1st one isn't a big deal, but it's real life haha) that might not be ideal situations, but it'll be okay. This phrase has been going through my head a lot lately. Even with little things like no lettuce or "we might be late"...it'll be okay. God just keeps reminding me with everything that goes on in life...it'll be okay Ashley. Don't worry. It'll be okay.

So my dad and I were able to have lunch together the other day at a chineese restaurant. And of course after the meal comes a fortune cookie. So we opened our cookies and my dad threw his at me and said, "I think I got yours." It read, "Focus on your long term goal." Laying in bed that night I thought about that fortune again. What is my long term goal? What do I need to do to reach that goal? What's the next step I need to take? My long term goal is to be standing in heaven in front of my heavenly father and here the words "well done good and faithful servant." So what am I going to do to get to that point?

I believe God is preparing me for what he has for me to do in Africa. I cannot wait to hear those 6 word in heaven. That will truely be worth everything I'm going through on earth. So when things in my life might not being going the way I'd like them to, I need to remember..."It'll be okay, focus on your long-term goal."

The statistics: Kenya

I'm sitting here at my computer with tears rolling down my face. These are the facts. I have a knot in my stomach. I might be sick from these facts.

*By 2010 there will be 1,900,000 orphans in Kenya alone.
*There are approximately 650,000 orphans due to AIDS.
*It is estimated that there are up to 600,000 street children in Kenya, most of them orphaned by AIDS.
*An estimated 1 million children live with HIV.
*An estimated 700 children are orphaned every day. Most of these children withdraw from school due to lack of family support.
*Boys and girls under the age of 5, especially those whose families live in poverty, are vulnerable to potentially fatal diseases such as measles, diarrhea and pneumonia. Malnutrition increases the chances of children dying from these diseases.
*Children orphaned by AIDS are often discriminated against, and have the least access to essential healthcare

I cannot accept this and do nothing about it. The question is not if I'm going, but when. Prepare me, Lord.

While I'm waiting...

Can your brain explode from thinking too much? haha. My mind is constantly running through what I should do next. Thinking about Kenya, cosmetology, college, baby center, my family, mission trip possibilities. Ahhhhh. I think i just need to stop and take a breather. My mind is on overload. I think I'm so worried about what I'm going to do next, how I'm going to take the right steps to get where I need to be, and everything going on around me that I just need to just stop and trust that God will lead me to where I need to be. But while I'm waiting, I'm gonna check out some possibilities. Wednesday I'm going to see Vogue and look at that option. I dont know how cosmetology will help me with the mission/kenya stuff, but it is a way to support myself and a whole new mission field where I am right now. I think I change my mind every day about cosmetology and wether or not I want to go. But it definitely can't hurt to check it out and pray about it. So in the mean time I'm just waiting...

While I'm waiting by John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

College...let me explain

The decision to not go to college right now is one I am confident in, but there are people who believe strongly that I need to be in college and get a degree to be "someone" and "something" in this world.(not my parents. haha. they are very supportive) It doesn't bother me, but I want to explain.

1. I have no degree to go to school for....I dont really want to pay thousands of dollars to get an "experience" and a degree that I dont use. I want to know what I am going to college for and have that goal in mind to get me through the years of schooling. If I have an end goal set, then I can reach it. I dont want to go just to go. That seems pointless and irresponsible to me.

2. I know that I do not have to have a college degree to be a disciple of God. God does not require us to have a degree to go show people his love and explain how incredible he is. I know for a fact that Christ loves me the EXACT SAME without a degree as he would if I had one. Jesus never went to college and he was perfect. Okay they didn't have college back then but still. The deciples never had a degree and they shared God's word to so many people and changed lives like crazy.

3. I don't need a degree to make me feel accomplished. I felt the Lord calling me to go on the group trip with our church to Kenya in October. It was the best decision I have ever made. I would'nt have been where I am in my walk with God or in my relationships with people that went on the trip...they will be my family forever. I feel very strongly that the Lord is calling me to Kenya long term. The first step to this dream was just going for the first time. I got to see what God is doing there and the orphans at the baby center. God has given me a passion for children ever since i can remember and I know that it was for this purpose. I want to work with orphans in Kenya for the rest of my life. Success = Obedience. I will be incredibly more successfull if I just follow Gods will for my life and obey him than I would be trying to fit in and go to college. That would be the easy way out for me.

Right now I feel that I am at the right spot in my life. College isn't rulled out forever. If i ever feel God telling me that it's something I need to do to further his kindgom then I will go. Cosmetology school is a possibility, but it's not a degree..and i'm ok with that. I'm glad people are concerned, but please understand that I'm obeying what God is telling me. I didn't decide not to go so I could be lazy or be irresponsible. I have a reason and a purpose. God is working in amazing ways in my life. I'm okay with not having a paying job for the rest of my life if I live my life as a missionary in Kenya. Cosmetology will support me before I leave if I decide to go that route. I'm not concerned with the things of this world right now. God is leading me and I'm going to follow. I'm so incredibly excited for what God has in store for me. I can't wait!

"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it." - Matthew 10:39

Waiting...

I don't enjoy waiting. I hate sitting at home, waiting, when I wish I was on the field. I could be giving orphans the love they need and giving them big hugs and encouraging the other missionaries. I sit at home and dream of what I could be doing in Kenya right now. The waiting game is the worst. I am very used to it. Waiting in emergency rooms, hospitals, and for healing for my mom. I know God has a plan. I know God has perfect timing. I just wish I could be used right now. But no one seems to want me to help. I'm too young. I dont have enough experience. How can I be ready to live in Kenya? Those are the questions and thoughts i think other people have. 1 Timothy 4:12 - "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." I guess all I can do is set an example and show that I can do this. I wish I was old enough for people to take me more seriously, but in the mean time I'll be waiting. I think cosmetology is what's next for me. It's something I seriously considered last year after high school. I'm good at it and it would give me a way to support myself before Kenya. So we'll see what comes of this. I'm very hopeful :)

Simply God

Cool to be encouraged today by an email. God amazes me everyday. He knows when I need a random encouraging email or hug. Simply God sounds so wrong. God is not a simple God, but the simple little things he does to show me his love amaze me.

Jaccue

Sefa has a name! Her name is Jaccue. The missionary that works with the orphanage in the slum in Nairobi told me that she saw her two weeks ago. I am so glad that she is still coming back to the orphanage and getting food to fill her stomach. Click here to see my post on her.

A Changed Life

I went back to 2007 in Derry Prenkerts blog and read about the camp after my sophomore year. This is the year that God placed the dream in my heart about Kenya. I found some pics...just cool to see and remember that exact time and place. This cabin, room, and map changed my life.

Jump: Dream Big

One years summer camp was titled JUMP. I've been thinking about what I got out of that camp.I learned that I have to dream big and jump out of my comfort zone. I'm not settling on any little thing that I can accomplish. I am setting out for a huge dream that only God can accomplish and get done. How boring would life be if we did things only by our own power? God is so incredibly able to do much more than we can imagine! I have big dreams. Dreams of what and where God will use me in Kenya and not what I can do there but what he can do through me and how he can use me.

I spent a while reading a blog today that inspired me and made me think. This 21 year from TN simply amazed me. She is the adoptive mother of 14 girls and living in Uganda. I feel like people want to put me on hold because of my age. This girl changed my thinking and made me dream big again. Click here to read her blog.

I'm only 18. I know God has big plans for me if I allow him to take over my life. I'm so ready and willing for him to use me wherever he wants me to go. I'd leave tomorrow if he asked me to. I'm ready to jump. Now..this year..might now be the right time. God has perfect timing and it is not my timing. If I could I would hop on a plane and fly to kenya and live there tonight. But I think that God has other plans for me this year. I dont think he's done with me here yet. He will use me where I am. I'm in such amazement that God would place this incredible dream in my life and allow me to be used by him. He chose me. He will not throw me away.[Isaiah 41:9]

I can't even imagine what heaven will be like. If this life is only a very small piece, then eternity is forever. That sounds rediculous. Of course eternity is forever, but I dont think anyone can actually understand forever. Forever means without ever ending. Everything in this life has an ending. I can't imagine what life with no ending is. I'm so excited and curious about how heaven will be. I will get to worship the king 24/7...the one who created the earth! How amazing. No pain and no suffering. That's impossible for me to imagine. Everything I can think of either has pain or suffering.

So I'm ready to go. I'm praying that God will prepare me in this next year to be used by him. To be sent out and do his work. I pray that God leads me to where he wants me. I have no idea what this next year holds. Cosmetology school is a possiblity. Short term mission trips are a possibility. I will just listen and follow.

"I will come to you and fulfill my gracious PROMISE to bring you back to this place. For I KNOW the PLANS I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to PROSPER you and NOT to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will LISTEN to you. You will SEEK me and FIND me when you SEEK me with ALL your heart. I WILL be found by you, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 29:10-14

Here I am

I couldn't have said it better myself...

Here I am by Downhere:

Sometimes Your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say

Chorus
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began

And these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Chorus

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but You can

Chorus

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

Sefa

Sefa means safe in swahili. I looked up the word safe in the dictionary. Many definitions came up, but one stood out to me: free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk.



I can't get this little girl from the slums out of my head. Her face keeps coming back to the front of my mind and I just can't stop thinking about her. I know nothing about her. I dont know her name or if she has any brothers or sisters or parents. But for some reason I have been thinking about her a ton lately.

I named her sefa. Safe. Free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk. This little girl lives in one of the worst slums in Nairobi. Pretty much the opposite of safe. I can't imagine what she has to go through every day and she cant be more than a few years old. So I'm just praying. Praying that God would keep her protected and guard her. I wish I could hold her in my arms and see that she is safe for myself. But God is the God of everything. He knows where she is at this second and what she is going through. God is a protector and provider. I have to trust that he is with her and keeping her safe in his arms.