Andrew's Blanket

Last October when I went to Kenya,a little boy named Andrew captured my heart. A couple months after I got home, I was house sitting with nothing to do for 2 weeks so I decided to knit a blanket. Weird I know. So I knit my first blanket in hopes that someday Andrew could get it. I spent every minute knitting that blanket to finish it in time for it to go over to Kenya. Then, I found this sweet invention where you can print pictures on fabric! haha. So I printed 2 pictures out and sewed them to the blanket...one of me and Andrew and one of a verse. So 8 months later, a new team from our church went over to the baby centre and they had a reunion for all the kids that had been adopted. It was so great to see how big all the kids had gotten and the huge smile they had on their face when they held their mom and dad's hands. It was really hard for me when Andrew got adopted because it was kind of the end of my journey with the baby centre. Most of the kids that were there when I went had been adopted and I knew that as much as I wanted to go back to the baby centre, they didn't need me there. They have so much help there as it is. But seeing Andrew with his mom and dad change everything. He is so happy. And he can have his own mommy and daddy to take care of him. So when Andrew came back to the baby centre for the reunion, they gave him the blanket I made him. So even though Andrew probably doesn't remember me at all, he knows that someone in the U.S. loves him like crazy. I'm so excited that he can have that with him now. Maybe someday God will allow me to see him again, but for now he's inspiration for me; a motivation to go; and an awesome story of how God works.

Holding onto Hope

"If you're working this hard to discourage me, Satan, then something really great is on the other side, if I persevere. The bigger the battle - the bigger the blessing on the other side."

Girlfriends in God post

Can't steal my joy.

So I've started making kids pants out of old t-shirts for when I go over to Africa. I grabbed an old t-shirt that was in the pile. It was some random panther basketball shirt. It had a cool design on it and I thought it might look sweet on the pants. So I cut it out like normal and sewed the pieces together. When I turned the pants right side out, I looked at the design that had formed right on the butt part. The shirt origionally said " Pain is temporary...pride is forever." The pants now say, "Pain is Forever," with some evil little face that formed from the designs.




It made me laugh and just reminded me that Satan, or anybody else for that matter, can't steal my joy. The enemy comes to steal, kill, lie, and destroy. My God is so much bigger. So needless to say, I won't be taking this pair of pants with me for an orphan to wear. Pain is not forever and satan can't discourage me.

P.S. If anyone has any t-shirts they want to give up, send them my way. I'll make some awesome kids clothes out of them. :) I've lately become a sewing addict. haha.

Getting Comfortable

I think im starting to get comfortable in where I am with my life. I'm halfway done with school, could have a nice job when I graduate, and am used to the everyday routine of life. It scares me that Im getting comfortable. Because now when I seriously think about missions and leaving for half a year i get worried. It will be uncomfortable to live in another country and change my routine, my food, my nice convenient life. It'll be uncomfortable to take a 20 hour plane ride by myself. It'll be uncomfortable to start from scratch and make friends out of strangers. It'll be uncomfortable to leave my family and be on my own. It'll be uncomfortable to sleep and live in a different environment. But I can find comfort in the arms of my heavenly father. When I'm seriously persuing this opportunity with missions, I have to forget comfort. Maybe giving up my comfort could mean truely impacting some children's lives on the other side of the world.

A year from now...

I've been thinking what I'll be doing a year from now. I have absolutely no idea. A year ago I was making 150 bracelets for the kids at the AGC church in Kenya and getting so pumped up about going over there for 2 weeks. So much has happened in this past year. Kenya completely changed my life. God's given me such a passion for his children overseas. I feel called to work in orphan ministry. I don't know how long or where I'm going yet but I think a year from now, life could possibly be completely different. A year from now, I'll be the big two O, hopefully doing missions in a country where the need is great. Im hopeful for what God has in store over this next year. Im almost halfway done with cosmetology school and excited to be done:) I think I can use this profession for God's glory. I've got some ideas jumpin around in my head :) haha. God is faithful and Im so excited to see what he has in store for me this next year as I hopefully head off into a new chapter of my life working with orphans.

Andrew has a family!

Last week Andrews parents came to pick him up from the baby center. He looked so incredibly happy and was smiling in almost every picture he took with his new mom and dad. It was bittersweet when i found out he got adopted, but im so incredibly excited for him!These are some pics from the day he got adopted taken by some of the missionaries that are living there.

diFFerent

A few weeks ago, I went with a group of people from NMC to the WGM celebration at Indiana Weslyan. We got to do an awesome presentation on the baby center. I got to talk to one of the missionaries in Kenya about coming back. The entire night, I was very...bothered? uneasy? uncomfortable? The night was centered in on Africa and the past and current missionaries in Africa. They named off the countries and had the missionaries stand that work in that country, and maybe one or two couples would stand up for each country. Then, it came to Kenya. Ten or more couples/families stood up. In that moment something hit me...this isn't right. Why has this country become one that is almost more popular to minister in? I love Kenya. I love the people, the culture, the children. But this is only one little country in Africa. God said to make disciples of all nations. I feel like not much is being done in these other countries where the need is just as great, if not greater. On a list of orphans due to AIDS, Kenya doesn't make the top 10. Not even close. I saw how great the need was while I was in Kenya, so I cant even IMAGINE the need in these other countries where there are thousands more orphaned children.
A couple weeks ago, I went to Jr. high summer camp as a leader. The theme was diFFerent. I got to see God move in these kid's lives and I think they're getting it. The entire week was focused on how we should be different. How our lives shouldn't look like the lives of everyone else...we shouldn't blend in. So as I look at these two things that have occured in the past few weeks, it makes me think. God's definitely been stirring some things in my heart and in my head. What would happen if I would be different? Different in the way I look at school. Different in my family. Different in the way I approach my thoughts of Africa. What if I had an open mind to where I could be used instead of zooming in on Kenya? What if I gave up my dreams of Africa completely and gave it all over, fully surrendered to God? I think God has some pretty awesome plans for me that outweigh the plans I'd have for myself if i'm just focused on how I want to get back to Kenya. God's closed doors these past months for Kenya. I was so sure that this is where I wanted to be that I just assumed God would want me there too. God tends to be unpredictable :) I can't wait to see where God leads after school. He is doing great things in my life and is ocntinuing to provide for school. I just cant accept that God is done with me in Africa. I think I'll be back. But in the meantime, I'll just wait and live a life surrendered to his will.

Homesick for Kenya

"Something here is wrong
There are children without homes
But we just move along to take care of our own
There's so much suffering just outside our door
A cry so deafening
We just can't ignore" - keep changing the world...mikeschair

This week's just been one of those weeks where I miss Kenya so much. Been talking to friends from Kenya, people who've been to Kenya and know what its like to come back, and just figuring out how i can jump on a plane and go. haha jk. With a week like this..I just have to remember that God has a plan and I have to trust him. He knows exactly what and why he's doing everything and I surely have no idea. Missing my kiddos at the baby center. What I would do to go give them a big hug and hold them for hours. I can't wait to get back. In your timing, Lord.

Andrew and Malachi

I absolutely love this picture! The boys both look so happy. Andrew and malachi are the only "big kids" left from when I was there in October. God is so good. Esther just went to a family a few days ago and she has an older brother and sister. I can't wait for the day when these boys have families. Selfishly, it will be so hard for me to see Andrew leave but he definitely deserves an amazing family. He is such an incredible boy that grabbed my heart. I have dreams almost every night about being back at the baby center and Andrew running up to me. I hate it haha. Wish I could be there and love on these boys and the rest of the kiddos. The triplets are getting so big! It's crazy to see them grow cause they're still teeny tiny babies in my head. I know that God has huge plans for these two boy's lives! If there's one thing I know...God is faithful and he will provide. I can't wait to know that Andrew has a mommy and daddy that love him like crazy. Hopefully someday we'll meet up again in heaven and I can see my little brother :)

Hear Their Stories

While my team was in Kenya last October, Kristy mikel had a phrase that she focused on during the trip. "Hear their stories." So I'm standing in school today working and that phrase comes to my mind. Hear their stories. So I think about the people I've met in the past 3 weeks and recall their stories.

The story of a girl who had a baby at 17 and is now in a healthy marriage at 25. The story of a woman who lost her mom tragically the last time she was in cosmetology school and is now able to take steps to her dream of owning a salon with her daughter by finishing school. The story of a girl who has 3 children and a boyfriend, but believes marriage would ruin her life. The story of an amazing lady that is divorced with 2 kids and laughs about how much she couldn't stand her ex husband. The story of a woman who is married to a man with a daughter, from a previous marriage, who she can't get along with. The story of a young girl who is married to a man in the army and how joyful she is that he will be coming home soon.

How amazing it is to learn their stories. To listen to them and hear their stories without ever asking about it. People want to share their stories. It's who they are. It's how they got to where they are now. It's their life. And they've shared their life with me. I'm so glad to know their stories...see where they come from.

I think God has used my story of Kenya to build friendships at school. I have pictures of the kids and me on my notebook that I see atleast 5 times a day. I smile everytime I see it. I look at Andrew's big smile and precious cuddling up to me and one of the boys at sunday school I got to give one of my bracelets to. I see these kids who just want to be loved. God saved them and has HUGE plans for their lives. That notebook with pictures has brought up more conversations than I could ever start on my own. One of my classmates wants to provide me with the opportunity to sell my bracelets at her salon when it opens and all of it will go to help me get back to Kenya. I've know these people for less than 3 weeks and they want to help me get to where I want to be. I'm amazed by this. These girls don't go to church. They don't read their bibles. They smoke. They cuss like there's no tomorrow. But they want to help me because they think I can make an impact.

I know God has such a purpose for me being at Vogue. So I'll continue to hear their stories. Continue to listen and obey God's voice. I know he is faithful. "He was faithful before and he'll be faithful again." Thanks, Lord for where you've placed me and for the opportunity you've given me with these amazing girls. Help me be an impact.

Vogue

I've been at vogue a full week now....I love it! haha. I'm going through school with two amazing girls who I've really clicked with and who are uplifting. Students there keep telling us that half of us will quit, but we are determined to stay strong and end up with our license! haha. Definitely feel that Vogue is where God has placed me right now and he will use me right there. It's certainly not a place where relationships with God are right. But I see God's face all over it and I know he loves those girls so much and I just want to show them some of his love. I've been building friendships with these girls who have so much creativity and laughter and personality. I pray God will move in this school. Let it start with me. Pray for opportunities and God moments during the days. Pray that God will give me the right words and will speak through me. Pray that God will provide financially for me to stay in school. I know he will and he is faithful. I'm so excited that God is able to use me with something that I'm good at and enjoy. Kenya will come, but while I'm waiting, maybe I can make an impact. God has a purpose and a plan. And that plan will always stand.

New Chapter

This weekend I'm wrapping up all the house sitting I've been doing over the last 4 months and getting ready to start up cosmetology school. It finally seems real after I picked up my uniform today and got some comfy black work shoes :) haha. So starting Tuesday...the next 10 months will be dedicated to completing school and figuring out what the next step is after I finish. Can't wait to see what God has in store!

Street Children

U.S. 750,000 - 1 million
Kenya 250,000 - 300,000

These are the numbers of street children in the United States and Kenya. How can this be? The amount of street children in the U.S. is over double the amount in Kenya. What are we doing about it? I dont see this where I am so it's hard for me to grasp the amount of kids that are classified as street children in the U.S. when I saw so many in Kenya. The gears in my mind are turning. Hmmmm...

I have a confession.

Seeing this youth group team head off to Kenya is really hard for me to hear about, read about, think about. I wish so much that I could hop on a plane and go. Hard to see other people go where I long to be and where I'm working so hard to get. In your perfect timing, God, I will be there. It's definitely not my timing. Help me be okay with this team going and help me to be excited for them. It could change their lives.

My Life is Wrecked.

The day I saw the children at the orphanage in the middle of the slums of Nairobi, my life was wrecked.

The moment I met the kids of the baby center, my life was wrecked.

The day I had to leave all the kids I had gotten to know and love at the baby center, my heart was broken.

The moment I stepped on the plane to fly out of Nairobi, I knew I was leaving my heart in Kenya.

Today, as I sit in my room and look at pictures of me and Andrew and the other kids playing, the pain is still here. The sadness and brokeness for these kids and for the kids in the slums is 100% real and present. Not one day goes by that I don't think about them. That I dont think about the eyes of Jaccue, a little girl I spent some time with in Nairobi at the orphange. That I don't think about Andrew kissing my cheeks and Malachi sneaking in for a hug. That I don't think about Momo saying," I love you, Ashley. I love you Verrrry much." That I dont remember the look in Rony's eyes. That I don't remember the smile on Manu's face and hear Caleb's cry when I laid him back in his crib, when he longed to be held and loved.

When I felt God calling me to Kenya my sophomore year, I didn't know it included what I went through when I wasn't there. I didn't think about the pain from NOT being in Kenya. I thought about what I could do there and where God would use me there. I didn't think about coming home after actually going there. When I was in Kenya, I was so content. I felt at home. I felt like it's where I was supposed to be. I've questioned, well maybe I'm making this bigger than it is. Maybe I shouldn't be there. Maybe I should stop trying to get back. Maybe it was just a one time trip....I know it wasn't.

Thank you, Lord, for making these feelings of pain and sadness real to me everyday so I can't forget how you made me feel when I was there. Thank you for the tears over these kids. Thank you for reminding me that these children are all yours. You love them so much and are taking care of them. Thanks for allowing me to be a part of helping them, even though you dont NEED me, you still want me there. Help me as I go into this next step of life before trying to go back again. Help me remember there is a purpose in all of this....that your plan remains. Thank you for wrecking my life and for giving me the pain to remember why I am working so hard at getting to where I need to be....back in Kenya. Don't let me give up this dream you've placed in my heart. I know my passion and heart is from you. And you understand like no one else can. Help me remember my passion over the next 10 months while I go through cosmetology school. Never let me forget. Continue to press this on my heart.

10 Things I learned from Job today

1.Waiting is hard.
2. It's better to know God than to know answers.
3.Hope is important
4.God loves me like crazy and has good plans for me.
5.God is incredibly more powerful than any situation I might encounter.
6.Hope means we trust God even if we never find out why something happened.
7.Yielding means wanting to do whatever God wants, and saying prayers like, "God I'm willing to wait and hope, because YOU ARE MY GOD."
8.Pain is not always punishment.
9.God does great works too marvelous to understand.
10.I don't know why things have happened with my mom's health or why Kenya didn't work out, but "God has a purpose and plan. And that plan will always stand."

Update on life...

- I'm now enrolled in cosmetology school! I start April 13th at Vogue. I think this will be a good step for me. It only takes 10 months and I will have a way to support myself before going back to Kenya when I'm done. It's something I love doing and I'm just going to look at it as another mission field. God can use me wherever I am :) So excited for this new season in my life.
- Mom is home from Chicago. She got home last Saturday. She seems to be doing a little better. Adjusting at home always takes time. I think she was gone for almost 3 weeks this time, so we all have to readjust and get back in the groove. Pray that God will heal her. We will give him ALL the glory! I don't think she will be like this for the rest of her life. So we're just praying that God would do a miracle. Check out some of my pictures from chicago here.
- Zach is practicing like crazy for the high school play this month. He's so good at that stuff :) They're doing West Side Story this year, and I'm told it's going to be really good. Come see the play on the 27th! :)
- The house is a lot more quiet w/star gone. it's weird. That's all I have to say about that haha.
- I miss my kiddos at the baby center so much! All but four of the bigs kids from when I was there have families! How exciting. Praise God. Sarah and Mesh just recently went to families and now have a mommy and daddy that love them like crazy! I am so happy for them. Pray for Andrew, Esther, Malachi, and Joshua...that God would provide families for them. Andrew has a special place in my heart...we had a special connection when I was there. He's such a sweetheart. He's very shy and goofy. Esther has a very cool story. She was dropped of when one of our church teams were there and the caregivers asked them to name her. She is a very sweet and quiet toddler. You can usually find her with two of her fingers stuck in her mouth. haha. Malachi is such a character. He's hilarious, but always has a little grin on his face like he's up to something. My team nicknamed him "Old man malachi" because he has the face of an wise man. haha. Joshua has such an amazing smile. He's so sweet and is always smiling. It just lit up my day when I saw him. I could talk about these kids forever. I love them all and would give anything for them. They are all incredible! I know God has big plans in store for these children's lives. It was no mistake that he brought them to the baby center. And in the process of them finding families we got to love on them a little :)

Star

After months of going back and forth, we had to put our dog down today. She's been crippled since we got her and her health had just been declining in the past year. We were starting to see that she was in pain and could barely go to the bathroom outside by herself.

We got Star from pet refuge. We found her picture online and my mom, Kylee and I just said, " Aww we have to bring her home." So we went through all the procedures, which included bringing in our other dog to meet her before we could take her home...they had to see that they got along haha. I think we got Star when I was in 5th grade. Wow, I just realized how long she's been in our family. She would "sing" and howl when we did it along with her. She had such a beautiful coat of fur, but we would spend hours during the summer brushing her and end up with piles of fur. I remember in 6th grade I actually wrote a book on her. Remember those little white books we had to write stories in every year? Yep, one of those was titled "Star."

So today my family sat in the living room and said goodbye to Star. Im so glad she's not in pain anymore. It's been a tough day, so I just wanted to remember some good things about her and try to forget about the day. Under Star's picture on the website, a little poem was written...
"Star light, Star bright. Wish I may, wish I might." Idk what that has to do with anything but it was cute under the picture of a baby pomeranian :) haha. We'll miss Star, but it's good to remember the fun times we had with her.

p.s. I can't believe I just wrote a whole blog on my dog lol. But the pic above was taken of us in January, when we were told to say goodbye to her. It's now March. We said goodbye for a long time haha.

It'll be okay, focus on your long-term goal.

So we dont have any lettuce to go on our BLT's...It'll be okay.
I can't get back to Kenya right now...It'll be okay.
My mom's in the hosital for the nth time...It'll be okay.

3 things I can think of(obviously the 1st one isn't a big deal, but it's real life haha) that might not be ideal situations, but it'll be okay. This phrase has been going through my head a lot lately. Even with little things like no lettuce or "we might be late"...it'll be okay. God just keeps reminding me with everything that goes on in life...it'll be okay Ashley. Don't worry. It'll be okay.

So my dad and I were able to have lunch together the other day at a chineese restaurant. And of course after the meal comes a fortune cookie. So we opened our cookies and my dad threw his at me and said, "I think I got yours." It read, "Focus on your long term goal." Laying in bed that night I thought about that fortune again. What is my long term goal? What do I need to do to reach that goal? What's the next step I need to take? My long term goal is to be standing in heaven in front of my heavenly father and here the words "well done good and faithful servant." So what am I going to do to get to that point?

I believe God is preparing me for what he has for me to do in Africa. I cannot wait to hear those 6 word in heaven. That will truely be worth everything I'm going through on earth. So when things in my life might not being going the way I'd like them to, I need to remember..."It'll be okay, focus on your long-term goal."

The statistics: Kenya

I'm sitting here at my computer with tears rolling down my face. These are the facts. I have a knot in my stomach. I might be sick from these facts.

*By 2010 there will be 1,900,000 orphans in Kenya alone.
*There are approximately 650,000 orphans due to AIDS.
*It is estimated that there are up to 600,000 street children in Kenya, most of them orphaned by AIDS.
*An estimated 1 million children live with HIV.
*An estimated 700 children are orphaned every day. Most of these children withdraw from school due to lack of family support.
*Boys and girls under the age of 5, especially those whose families live in poverty, are vulnerable to potentially fatal diseases such as measles, diarrhea and pneumonia. Malnutrition increases the chances of children dying from these diseases.
*Children orphaned by AIDS are often discriminated against, and have the least access to essential healthcare

I cannot accept this and do nothing about it. The question is not if I'm going, but when. Prepare me, Lord.

While I'm waiting...

Can your brain explode from thinking too much? haha. My mind is constantly running through what I should do next. Thinking about Kenya, cosmetology, college, baby center, my family, mission trip possibilities. Ahhhhh. I think i just need to stop and take a breather. My mind is on overload. I think I'm so worried about what I'm going to do next, how I'm going to take the right steps to get where I need to be, and everything going on around me that I just need to just stop and trust that God will lead me to where I need to be. But while I'm waiting, I'm gonna check out some possibilities. Wednesday I'm going to see Vogue and look at that option. I dont know how cosmetology will help me with the mission/kenya stuff, but it is a way to support myself and a whole new mission field where I am right now. I think I change my mind every day about cosmetology and wether or not I want to go. But it definitely can't hurt to check it out and pray about it. So in the mean time I'm just waiting...

While I'm waiting by John Waller

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

College...let me explain

The decision to not go to college right now is one I am confident in, but there are people who believe strongly that I need to be in college and get a degree to be "someone" and "something" in this world.(not my parents. haha. they are very supportive) It doesn't bother me, but I want to explain.

1. I have no degree to go to school for....I dont really want to pay thousands of dollars to get an "experience" and a degree that I dont use. I want to know what I am going to college for and have that goal in mind to get me through the years of schooling. If I have an end goal set, then I can reach it. I dont want to go just to go. That seems pointless and irresponsible to me.

2. I know that I do not have to have a college degree to be a disciple of God. God does not require us to have a degree to go show people his love and explain how incredible he is. I know for a fact that Christ loves me the EXACT SAME without a degree as he would if I had one. Jesus never went to college and he was perfect. Okay they didn't have college back then but still. The deciples never had a degree and they shared God's word to so many people and changed lives like crazy.

3. I don't need a degree to make me feel accomplished. I felt the Lord calling me to go on the group trip with our church to Kenya in October. It was the best decision I have ever made. I would'nt have been where I am in my walk with God or in my relationships with people that went on the trip...they will be my family forever. I feel very strongly that the Lord is calling me to Kenya long term. The first step to this dream was just going for the first time. I got to see what God is doing there and the orphans at the baby center. God has given me a passion for children ever since i can remember and I know that it was for this purpose. I want to work with orphans in Kenya for the rest of my life. Success = Obedience. I will be incredibly more successfull if I just follow Gods will for my life and obey him than I would be trying to fit in and go to college. That would be the easy way out for me.

Right now I feel that I am at the right spot in my life. College isn't rulled out forever. If i ever feel God telling me that it's something I need to do to further his kindgom then I will go. Cosmetology school is a possibility, but it's not a degree..and i'm ok with that. I'm glad people are concerned, but please understand that I'm obeying what God is telling me. I didn't decide not to go so I could be lazy or be irresponsible. I have a reason and a purpose. God is working in amazing ways in my life. I'm okay with not having a paying job for the rest of my life if I live my life as a missionary in Kenya. Cosmetology will support me before I leave if I decide to go that route. I'm not concerned with the things of this world right now. God is leading me and I'm going to follow. I'm so incredibly excited for what God has in store for me. I can't wait!

"If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give it up for me, you will find it." - Matthew 10:39

Waiting...

I don't enjoy waiting. I hate sitting at home, waiting, when I wish I was on the field. I could be giving orphans the love they need and giving them big hugs and encouraging the other missionaries. I sit at home and dream of what I could be doing in Kenya right now. The waiting game is the worst. I am very used to it. Waiting in emergency rooms, hospitals, and for healing for my mom. I know God has a plan. I know God has perfect timing. I just wish I could be used right now. But no one seems to want me to help. I'm too young. I dont have enough experience. How can I be ready to live in Kenya? Those are the questions and thoughts i think other people have. 1 Timothy 4:12 - "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith and in purity." I guess all I can do is set an example and show that I can do this. I wish I was old enough for people to take me more seriously, but in the mean time I'll be waiting. I think cosmetology is what's next for me. It's something I seriously considered last year after high school. I'm good at it and it would give me a way to support myself before Kenya. So we'll see what comes of this. I'm very hopeful :)

Simply God

Cool to be encouraged today by an email. God amazes me everyday. He knows when I need a random encouraging email or hug. Simply God sounds so wrong. God is not a simple God, but the simple little things he does to show me his love amaze me.

Jaccue

Sefa has a name! Her name is Jaccue. The missionary that works with the orphanage in the slum in Nairobi told me that she saw her two weeks ago. I am so glad that she is still coming back to the orphanage and getting food to fill her stomach. Click here to see my post on her.

A Changed Life

I went back to 2007 in Derry Prenkerts blog and read about the camp after my sophomore year. This is the year that God placed the dream in my heart about Kenya. I found some pics...just cool to see and remember that exact time and place. This cabin, room, and map changed my life.

Jump: Dream Big

One years summer camp was titled JUMP. I've been thinking about what I got out of that camp.I learned that I have to dream big and jump out of my comfort zone. I'm not settling on any little thing that I can accomplish. I am setting out for a huge dream that only God can accomplish and get done. How boring would life be if we did things only by our own power? God is so incredibly able to do much more than we can imagine! I have big dreams. Dreams of what and where God will use me in Kenya and not what I can do there but what he can do through me and how he can use me.

I spent a while reading a blog today that inspired me and made me think. This 21 year from TN simply amazed me. She is the adoptive mother of 14 girls and living in Uganda. I feel like people want to put me on hold because of my age. This girl changed my thinking and made me dream big again. Click here to read her blog.

I'm only 18. I know God has big plans for me if I allow him to take over my life. I'm so ready and willing for him to use me wherever he wants me to go. I'd leave tomorrow if he asked me to. I'm ready to jump. Now..this year..might now be the right time. God has perfect timing and it is not my timing. If I could I would hop on a plane and fly to kenya and live there tonight. But I think that God has other plans for me this year. I dont think he's done with me here yet. He will use me where I am. I'm in such amazement that God would place this incredible dream in my life and allow me to be used by him. He chose me. He will not throw me away.[Isaiah 41:9]

I can't even imagine what heaven will be like. If this life is only a very small piece, then eternity is forever. That sounds rediculous. Of course eternity is forever, but I dont think anyone can actually understand forever. Forever means without ever ending. Everything in this life has an ending. I can't imagine what life with no ending is. I'm so excited and curious about how heaven will be. I will get to worship the king 24/7...the one who created the earth! How amazing. No pain and no suffering. That's impossible for me to imagine. Everything I can think of either has pain or suffering.

So I'm ready to go. I'm praying that God will prepare me in this next year to be used by him. To be sent out and do his work. I pray that God leads me to where he wants me. I have no idea what this next year holds. Cosmetology school is a possiblity. Short term mission trips are a possibility. I will just listen and follow.

"I will come to you and fulfill my gracious PROMISE to bring you back to this place. For I KNOW the PLANS I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to PROSPER you and NOT to harm you, plans to give you a HOPE and a FUTURE. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will LISTEN to you. You will SEEK me and FIND me when you SEEK me with ALL your heart. I WILL be found by you, declares the Lord." Jeremiah 29:10-14

Here I am

I couldn't have said it better myself...

Here I am by Downhere:

Sometimes Your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze
You reach for the deepest hope in me
And call out for the things of eternity

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say

Chorus
Here I am, Lord send me
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began

And these broken parts You will redeem
Become the song that I can sing

Chorus

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness
And the fear that I'll fail You in the end
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but You can

Chorus

Here I Am, all my life an offering to You, to You
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan
Here I am

Sefa

Sefa means safe in swahili. I looked up the word safe in the dictionary. Many definitions came up, but one stood out to me: free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk.



I can't get this little girl from the slums out of my head. Her face keeps coming back to the front of my mind and I just can't stop thinking about her. I know nothing about her. I dont know her name or if she has any brothers or sisters or parents. But for some reason I have been thinking about her a ton lately.

I named her sefa. Safe. Free from hurt, injury, danger, or risk. This little girl lives in one of the worst slums in Nairobi. Pretty much the opposite of safe. I can't imagine what she has to go through every day and she cant be more than a few years old. So I'm just praying. Praying that God would keep her protected and guard her. I wish I could hold her in my arms and see that she is safe for myself. But God is the God of everything. He knows where she is at this second and what she is going through. God is a protector and provider. I have to trust that he is with her and keeping her safe in his arms.